Psalm 51:
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
I remember singing that song (verse 10) even as a teenager. (It almost seems like it could have strum right into Kum Bay Ya.) When I think back at that girl all those years ago I still shake my head. A girl desperately searching for love and confidence and assurance. A girl wanting peace and acceptance and security. Sometimes I wonder how much I really have changed from that girl.
The past few weeks have been pretty raw for this daughter of the King. I've had my campfire highs and valley floor lows in my past. But it seems the older I get, the easier it is to mask reality or create the facade of normalcy and what is okay. I've had some deep struggles and quite honestly never expected the turn of events that caused my pointing finger to turn itself back on me.
I got to that point of frustration that I said those simple words that bring harsh reality..."God please just break me". Sorta like asking God to teach you patience I suppose. So that's what I did. Threw my hands up in the air and knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with the agenda I had of changing my circumstances. What was left was this little girl looking up at her Heavenly Father saying "now what"? And thanks to His tender,-loving enough to be harsh- Spirit it came back on my lap. As if God were saying it right back to me..."now what Linda"? Not a comfortable place to be.
I asked God to break my cold, weary heart and He has. He has begun the beautiful pain in revealing the sin in my own life. He's been showing me the ugly mask of pride I've allowed to grow thick over my eyes. He's met me at the bottom of my sorrow and is showing me His hope. Hope in how to love myself, love others like He does and let go of the past sins that really do entangle me so.
That's where I've been lately. Broken and certainly feeling poured out. Out of tears, out of fingers to point to those around me, out of prideful steam. God really is always faithful. And most of all...He really is the Healer of the broken!
7 comments:
linda! what beautiful words to plead to the Lord. i need to plead those as well, sheesh...i'm scared of what he might do though!
i will be singing psalm 51 the rest of the night...do you know the tune for all three verses? love it!
Glad you are writing again. I missed you.
God specializes in healing the broken....as you know. It takes a strong faith to trust her Savior enough to ASK to be broken. HE is faithful.
Thinking of you as He brings healing. Hugs!
Oh sweetie, how I love you & miss you!
What a precious, difficult thing to pray - but He will be faithful to answer!
"But it seems the older I get, the easier it is to mask reality or create the facade of normalcy and what is okay."
This is so true for all of us sweet lady and not many people would openly admit it. It's that bravery that I love so much. Asking God to break something that has been "set" as a barrier to keep pain away is frighting, we don't know what will come pouring out, what ww will loose?? How much of ourselves (pride) will be lost? But the TRUTH is when we are broken, God has a clean place to start rebuilding. Construction ain't easy or quick work, but each time something is finished it only gets better and better. Love ya Linda!
What a wonderful new beginning you are experiencing. God always holds us tight - never lets us down - no matter what. AND He always loves us! Amazing isn't it?
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