Holding back.

Do you hold back in your blogging? Here's another thing that's been on my mind! I try SO hard not to even think about who is reading my blog. I try SO hard to be real and honest on where I'm at.

But what if you knew...

That I sometimes don't get out of my PJs and into the shower til noon. And my kids are both at school. So the "Stay at Home" mommy gig is about to be exposed.

That I can't seem to get a job.

That I really don't want a job anyways.

That I'm really making myself sound like a loser here.

But that I've become like my schlumpy mom WAY too much these days

and my washing machine too often holds more of my sweats than jeans.

That I have nice clothes in my closet and make up in my basket

but feel unmotivated to use them.

That I've been rocking out to Pink's "So What" today. (thanks sis!)

That I have irritable moods where I wanna bite someone's head off

and it usually ends up being my dogs.

That I re-start my plan to eat better every morning

and feel bad about it every night.

That I say the word b.u.t.t. too much with my children around.

That I have more online friends I talk to than real life ones.

Loner to the T (or L).

That I sound like I need an intervention.

That God has me in a spot I don't like (not a new one).

That I'm a pastor's wife that desperately tries to rely on God

yet fails in my quiet time.

That I listened to a sermon online this morning

and just could not get into it.

That as much as I try to understand Grace,

there's days I still feel overwhelmed with guilt.

That I know it's okay to be transparent but still feel tempted

to say the right thing all the time.

That I DON'T say the right thing all the time.

*Insert foot motto*..yea that's me!

That I wish I could blog about something funny EVERY day.

That I feel like a failure as a mother most days.

That I hate to cook and clean.

And so that's why my kitchen sink seems to always looks like this:

That I still can't get my eyebrows right and talk about them WAY too much.

That I try reeeeeally hard not to blog on days I'm PMS.

That this is NOT a pity party I'm having!

But that I worry about what people think way too much

and struggle with it on here.

Well there ya have it. I'm sure I'll regret revealing a few of these tomorrow, but today I feel free!