…that’d be me lately.
They say that middle kids:
Are people pleasers
Feel forgotten
Are loners
Are untrusting
Are unmotivated but creative
It’s either turning 40 soon or living the reality of losing both my parents, but I’ve really been struggling lately. Sometimes it makes me so frustrated that the past 40 years have shaped me into who I am today. As I look at the next 40 I want nothing more than to be
Pleasing God
Feeling loved
Balancing being an introvert and social
Trusting God more
Loving my creativity
I’ve struggled since my dad’s death just how different I am from my siblings. They think alike, look more alike…get along better. Maybe my sister was right when she joked when we were little that my parents found me at the dump? Hahaha. It’s all part of being the middle kid. You just don’t ever feel like you fit. At least in my case. So now that mom and dad are gone and all that peacekeeping, people pleasing and trying not to rock the boat…..what was it for? If you are not a middle child, you may not ever begin to understand us! Some middle kids rebel and act out to get the attention they crave. I was the opposite. Kept it all in, became “sweet little Linda” and was perceived as the good kid. If they only knew. If I only knew who I’d be now back then. I’d rebel out loud…as loud as I could!
Where I’m at now is looking ahead and breaking the chains, labels, and insecurities that have made Linda who she WAS. Remember, they say middle kids are creative and journalism is one of the great outlets. Thus this post on my blog. Venting, whining, whatever ya wanna call it. It's what I do best....express myself through writing.
Not sure where to begin other than laying it all down at His feet and letting Him work in my heart. Heal my heart, lift my chin and say “Get over it girl”. Cuz in His family….there is no middle child!!
7 comments:
Linda - I believe what you are going through is part of the griefing process. When my Uncle and Aunt (I was raised by them and not by my Dad and Mom)See the early blog posts. died 10 months apart I dealt with a lot of the same feelings. I am not a middle child. I am the baby of 8 children. Your world is turned up-side-down right now. Nothing will be same as it was. The Hub is gone and the spokes are trying to get along without them. It takes time - lots of time - but someday you will have a new normal and life will be better. Keep looking up - God will fill the gape. He did for me. You are right, with God their is no middle child or orphan either, for that matter.
Prayers go with you.
I agree with Connie - I think it's the grieving process. I felt some of those same things after my Mom passed away and I'm the oldest. I'm so glad there are no middle kids or orphans in God's family!
I am not a middle child. But I feel EXACTLY how you discribed. To a T.
My sister told me I was adopted. She meant to hurt me, make me feel like I didn't belong, get me to doubt my place in the family...instead it gave me HOPE. Hope that my "real" family would someday find me. Someday love me and cherish WHO I was...guess what? I DID find my family! Jesus came to find me and welcomed me.My mother was a middle child, and she made darn sure she that her "baby" wasn't a "baby". I'll never understand that, all I can do is forgive her and do my best to cherish my children: not as first borns or last borns but as the unique and wonderful PEOPLE they are. Girl, I love you so much. You are raw and honest and BRAVE, yes BRAVE. You give us real pieces, not the polished perfectly presentable person that we all strive to show those around us, so me can seem "normal" "Okay" "Good" "Happy"While our insides are screaming at us the smile is on and we are "fine". I find strength in your words, I find a friend. Great post Linda.
I have been struggling with this SAME thing lately...and yes, I am a middle child too. I think it has come to light for me as I watch my middle son try to find his place--he is textbook middle child at only 10 years old! It hurts me to see him struggle and yet I see me in him so much. I was praying about this a few days ago and what I came out with is this...that we may be middle children, but in Christ, we have all the rights and privileges of the firstborn! How exciting to know that no matter how lost or lonely or out of place we may feel in this imperfect world...We are part of the firstborn children of God, His workmanship, created for His glory! I pray He brings you peace and an extra measure of love today!
well I was going to just write "get a tattoo" but then I read all the other nice, caring comments. Sorry to hear of this struggle. I'm reading the Beth Moore book on insecurities. It hasn't helped yet, but other people rave about it. Keep on writing.
Hey Linda I don't have lots of wise words...I was the baby...nuff said! I do know the feeling of people pleasing...it's a curse!
....I do know that I think you are creative, caring and smart! Hope you never stop giving back to God all those gifts he's blessed you with!
I was 3rd out of 4, the first daughter, and I am like you- the peacemaker, the feeling stuffer, etc. Trying to be better at it, but life long coping techniques are hard to change! You are feeling a lot of yuck, but at the same time, you KNOW the truth- that is so clear. I guess, unfortunately, that this is just part of the process of dealing with your losses. Sorry you have to go through it. Just know that I have really snazzy gumboots and don't mind sitting in the muck with you if you need to spill your guts- anytime. I MIGHT even let me borrow my gumboots, if you promise not to make fun of my big feet.
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