Ahh this day. The day I DO NOT look forward to once a year. My biggest dread is that the last time I visited my friendly doctor, she warned me that it is about time we get me lined up for the 'ol mammogram idea. I'm 38. I don't think I can convince her I'm 28. And so my fears are in my throat today. I don't know if she'll set me up for an appointment or if she's just warming me up for the inevitable?!
STETHESCOPE
Originally uploaded by jenny.morros
Originally uploaded by jenny.morros
My neighbor Janet sent me an email awhile ago and I saved it for just this day. Because you know me, I need a good laugh about anything I'm nervous about in life!
Mammograms:
Many women dread their annual mammogram. But there is no reason to worry! By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these single exercises right in and around your home!
EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO: Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all of your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM!
Here's to getting older ladies. And the pain that comes with age!
22 comments:
This would be funny if it wasn't so true! LOLOL I love it.
Had mine done at the beginning of the year, the woman kept talking to me like we'd been friends for a million years. Can you imagine having that job???
I just got a reminder call from the Dr that it was time for mine. They really aren't bad, but there are other things I'd rather be doing!
Oh, girl...the things women have to endure. Be brave sweet friend.
That gave me the shivers!
Lol!! Good luck today!!!
I am laughing so hard I am crying my eyes out! That is so funny! Thank you for that, I needed it!
Weren't you like just at the dentist? (suppose to go) and NOW you've got this? That is just torture Linda! Geez, and I'm complaining about flu shots!
I hope that all your results are negative and that your boobies recover quickly!
Yep, those are excellent examples. Hubby was complaining about "turn your head and cough" and I lit into him like crazy. Gave him examples of what we women go through EVERY year starting at appr. age whatever. He didn't say much after that.
to answer your question about my fantasy football...I only pick which team I think will win. I don't "create" the teams. Mine is much easier. Especially when you play like I do.
This post made me glad I have another 10 years. :)
I had one last year as my doc likes to get a baseline at age 35. It really wasn't that bad for me, but I think having big, flabby, extra-stretched out breasts make for perfect mammogram patients. Very funny email from Janet!
oh my goodness that was SO funny!
And I had no clue that you needed to get those done in your 30's~ I thought I had until I was about 50! Good grief!!
Too funny! Well not really funny, but laughter helps ease the situation. I'm your same age, so I'm right there with ya friend.
Okay - that was funny.
I can't wait, well really I can, but maybe by the time I get there, they will some new fangled gadget that will be less painful.?!? One can only hope :-/
I had my first one a couple months back, and even got called back for "more views" ... it actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe NN have it a little easier in this department. Just make sure you get a female tech. :)
I am hunching over and guffawing at that. too funny. I have had a couple of mammograms already as there was something they wanted to check out. So this will be your first. It is not as bad as childbirth, if that is any comfort. What I didn't like was how I had to take my shirt off and act casual about my muffin top over the top of my jeans while holding breath and trying to get my small chest clamped properly in the machine. I probably haven't made you feel any better, have I. Just don't wear tight waisted pants. Seriously, I didn't find it as bad as everyone talks about. Just hope the fire alarm doesn't go while you are clamped in.
Too funny! I was due for my first at my last yearly but I was nursing so I got to bypass it. I won't be that lucky this year and although I have heard it really isn't that bad, I DREAD it! Good luck, hope all goes well!
Oh the "friendly Dr."...that's when I get realllllly blotchy and red! Even after having my son...I still get squeemish. Good luck!
I have seen your cute little dog's face in many comments on the blogs I read, so I just had to pop over!
I had seen that a while ago and it is so funny! But really they aren't that bad!! I'm 48 and have had "several" now. They have gotten MUCH better over that last 10 years!!!
I've been avoiing that myself. I read that email months ago, and it resounds in my head...
I hope Sara is right, and they are not so bad anymore...
Oh. MY! That was so funny. I love it. Finding humor is sometimes the only option.
Too. Funny. roflmbo!!! I'll keep laughing all the way until December when I go to have my first one. waaaaaaaaagh.
Wanna go together?
I am HOWLING with laughter over here...and trying to be quiet 'cause it's 1:00 a.m. and mi familia is sleeping. LOVE the cement floor/car backing up one...oh my.
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